Sunday, August 16, 2009

The elusive but simple nature of happiness

Today is a landmark day in my life - coz I learnt something profound and yet very simple - the importance of feeling happy. The thing is....today, there are so many of us who set their heart on things which they feel are "cool" - the things which on its own are so totally worthless that one wonders at the heartlessness of the actual makers in pricing them as near to the highest clouds as possible...but the ironical thing is that these are just appetizers - the more I have them, the more I want and the less satisfied and happy Iam. Its a pity that I do not get the hint and stop right there when I know that its actually the simplest of things like the view of free and lovely nature, a call from a friend after a long time, a letter or a mail from a family member, a smile from a child I just gave a sweet to, a look of gratitude from an old lady whom I helped carry her shopping bags for, or even an hour by myself where I just reflect on all my blessings in life, that bring me true happiness. A lovely party dress for me might be a dream never to come true for another. How simple would life be if I found the things which are available by the grace of providence to one and all as those which gave the utmost contentment and am happy to live with just them?

The trouble is that today acceptance in a particular circle is so important to feed my self confidence that I often forget that its actually not my paraphernalia that people like me for - its actually for the real me - and if that paraphernalia is expected by anyone, then those are not the folks who are my kindred spirits in any way. If Iam not comfortable being myself with someone then there is no point in continouing to be with them. I remember something which Suma ma'am once said about true love and friendship - "when you feel that being with a person makes you behave in a pseudo manner, or brings constant negative vibes and prevents you from being yourself, or being comfortable with being yourself, then that is certainly not true friendship. But when you are with someone and you feel that the phase of you which comes to light when you are with them is acually enlivening the best in you, then you are in the right place - coz a person who truly loves us would constantly and sometimes unconsciously send such vibes that our best side automatically comes forth and our path ahead is clearly paved for success". Such true words - such wisdom - its funny how some of our best thoughts come to us when we least expect it....its not something which we plan - its just one of those rare flashes of insight which guide us in the most trying situations - something which Madonna termed as the hand of god!!!

So now, iam gonna be myself wherever Iam - irrespective of whether it is accepted or not, coz I know that if I cannot accept myself, then there is no merit in being accepted by others - and if those others really matter - then they will never ask me to be anything but myself!!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

wel.....and after all the waiting...here it is!!!!the D day

Happy birthday to you!Happy birthday to you!Happy birthday dearest darling, happy birthday to you..........!!!!!
So....How was your day??? I was just thinking...When i came to meet you in the temple....that if its my birthday - I and my family and friends would celebrate, i would get gifts from near and dear ones and go to bed with a smile...and there ends the story. But today, on your birthday, the whole world gets ready, the gandharvas play celestial music to wake you, radha(and all of your 60,000 girlfriends for that matter) welcome you to face the morning with their beautiful smiles.....and below.....on earth....everyone wakes up with a festive spirit, heart as fresh as your beloved butter, and make all possible delicacies to adorn your table....and in the temples, the priests are shaking their "kondais" (a pony that hindu priests usually wear at the top of their head, while the rest of the head is bald) and reciting your names away to glory, the heavenly music of nadaswarams and thavils fill the air and my!my!my!....phew.....must say that being god has its privileges.....
And must say that being every girl's dream boy has added to your cholestrol content huh??
Ok ok ....i know its your birthday - so I will not scold you as much as I would love to...
And that just reminds me of these lovely verses - "kaun kehte hain bhagwan aate nahin - tum meera ki jaise bulate nahin (Who says that the lord will not come at your call, its just that you dont call him like how Meera did)!!!Just dreaming of how divinely handsome you would be looking in your new dress today makes me catch my breath!:-).....dearest Darling - hope you enjoy your day today infinitely - and just in case you want me to do anything to make your day better - you know where to catch me right? - and just so you know I would be sleeping at 11:oopm today:-)
happy Birthday again dearest of Krishnas - i love you 100 times, nay 1000000000 times as much as I love Anne or Darcy and now that saying something!:-)
Just want to end with my fav bhajan which you gave me as a gift on my birthday -
Ghana Ghana neela vadana athi sundara
Megha shyamala madhava murahara
mandasmitha mukha radha manohara
Govinda gopala natawara giridhara........

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

All things Wise and Wonderful...

There is just one person that I have dreamt about and still do dream about - that I should be atleast a little like him when I grow up....just a fraction of his immense intelligence, a pinch of his kindness, honesty, straightforwardness, helpfulness, smartness, diligence....and most importantly his boundless talent in the realm of Music....( I am comletely convinced that Jesudas is just nowhere when compared to him and you must just hear him once to know that iam telling nothing but the actual truth)He is all that is wise and all that is wonderful to me - he is my "Daddy"
I can see you scowling pa, as I write this - how you hate me to call you "daddy" - and secretly I agree too...when we have such endearing terms like Appa and "Naina", why should "Daddy" even enter our conversations....but Iam helpless pa....I just looooooove that look on your face when I call you "daddy" :-)... I think that the best part of you is that you are just there....always...not that u have much of a choice....and so u can't really complain... esp. when iam hell bent on making the dumbest of decisions, or when iam totally blank as to what in the wide canopy I should do to get out of a situation....I can always depend on myself to move heaven and earth just not to listen to you at times....Coz u see...in my blissful frog's well, I am The most sensible and intelligent person and you are just a base obstacle to my path of glory.....heheheh.....
I just shudder to think of the complete catastrophe that my life would have been if you were not just there, firmly and sternly, like an oak, just so that i can climb over you to get a glimpse of the Sun.....You know what pa...I have still not gotten out of the phase where I used to fight with my friends saying..."MY DADDY STRONGEST":-)....I just cant contain myself at any opportunity where I can show u off and boast to the world's end about your "this" and your "that"....and the wierd thing is...I just dont seem to run out of topics at all when iam talking bout u....and as iam writing this...iam just wishing that you never get to see this....you might just feel off to too much you know....and I cant take your "attitude" after that:-)
Just the other day,me and my friends were talking about you suddenly shifting to Delhi leaving me here (booooooohooooooo)....and they we like, 'hey yur parents have really taken care of every small detail before they have left u and now all you have to do is eat and sleep - you have a cook, a maid, a lovely room for urself and to cap it all, a tailor!!!'. And I realised how much u must trust actually my stupidity for you to go to that much detail in planning for me....well hats off to u pa....
You have no idea how much i miss your scoldings, your loving "kuttus" on my already damaged head, you calling me "Soorpa" (all mu buddies know why, dont u? :-)), the sound of your voice floating across the house in the form of carnatic, hindustani, bollywood, gollywood....what not?? I shall never forget the day when u just crinked your eyebrows a little over my pioneering attempt to make rasam.....and casually asked Amma if there was something missing in the rasam.....well....when I discovered that I had actually added Vangi bath powder (a south indian Brinjal Rice delicacy) instead of Rasam powder, I can never get over the way you, Adu and Seshu (my 2 Bros) teased me to death.....(I still bear the scar of that event - I cant make Rasam without u/adu/seshu checking with me if I double checked whether I really added Rasam powder or.......XXXXX)And I must mention here that Ammu kutti is the darling - she will always find the food I cook nice - even if it tastes like shoe polish!!!.......sigh........Its just a huge void pa, and its something which has no substitute...coz its a class apart. You have the world's best sense of humour and I often wonder....is there something that you are not good at??.......I dont think so.....!!!!!
To every Girl, her dad's a Hero - and Appa - you are mine. Love you and miss you loads:-)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Thinking of you...and wishing - that you are thinking of me...

Like a rosy blush on a lovely pale cheek,
like a string of pearls that make the week,
like the tinge of baege on a dusky eve,
your charming presence my heart does believe -

Will sprinkle hope where faith is weak,
Fill my heart with the hope that I seek,
with a wave of romance my heart flutters,
as I think of my feelings in clutters...

Your smile renews my trust in the world,
the breeze of love which brushes your curl,
gives a thrill to the very marrow and soul,
and turns my heart from yonder to thou!

Your touch and your word - a loving caress,
cleanses my soul and heart from a mess,
Your pat on the back of a worthy one,
moists my eye as I want to be the one!

The one to make you proud and gay
your heart in a dance of melody as you say,
"There goes my beloved, my flesh and blood"
and my heart would unfurl like petals from a bud!

And the ageless wisdom whispers in my ears-
whatever be the struggles, tiffs and tears,
For your word, your love, your touch and pride,
my heart is moved to stride paths left untried!

What is this life, if not to feel,
your all embracing love, 'fore you I kneel,
Its the only spring that moists my soul -
Blessed is the life that is breezed by your love!!!

My very own "Kindred Spirits"

When a sunflower tilts its petally head towards the sun, a warm feeling surges through its heart, an emotion which whispers "Iam home at last". The beauty and innocence of this emotion captures everyone and we are no exceptions. When the same warm breeze flutters through my soul, and tickles it a little, it means that I have found the one who can inspire me and instill higher beliefs in me, and most importantly make me feel comfortable with myself:-) - yes you guessed right. they are my kindred spirits.I have been blessed enough in my fairly eventful life to be sprinkled with the dewdrops of lovely kindred spirits - and below is an account of 2 of the kindredest of my kindred spirits and why I feel that they add all the sunshine to my life:-)

Sulo - imagine the way your heart does a queer somersault when you remember that your birthday is actually tomorrow, in another 24 hours, or the feeling when you get when you pack your clothes for a vacation you have desperately waited for - that is the same feeling that I get when I think of Suls - and the moments that we have shared - We have had quite a whacky relationship - na Suls? I shall never forget the time when we all used to tease you in the beginning coz you alwayz used to sing bhajans to yourself - esp. in the pantry while washing clothes!!! And I dont know if I ever told you but we (I forget who the "we" actually comprises of - I guess its our girls from the tamil gang ) used to call you "Meerabai of bcom"- we didn't hit it of quite well did we? But now - well you know - there is not a book that i read without reciting the book review to you ASAP, not a joke that I laugh for without my hands itching to call you and give you a blow by blow account of the anecdote, not a tear that I can shed without the comfortable consciousness of you knowing my problem and giving me your (dumb) solutions:-)...Wierd how some people shape our lives isn't it? But the wierder thing is how helpless we are in doing something about it:-)...unfortunately:-) Its just preordined I guess- not sure if thats the word I am looking for .... but yeah! I must say that you have the developed this bugging habit of dropping into my everyday reverie and bringing back all the " XXXXX" times that we shared together (Dunno what to put there - its just too hard)- its just my fav stress buster. And ...................well I can go on but we've gotta stop some where right? So .........thanks darl - for inspiring me to better myself and by giving me a family (and a Krishna) other than my own - U R THE BEST!!!!!!!!!

Deeps - Dearest of Deepas - what do I say - its just the fact that you exist that adds beauty to my life - though u can be a tester of patience at times with your extremely untimely "Swami knows" and "be good, see good, do good" attitude:-) See - we all love roses in its place - but dont we love it better when it is accepted graciosuly by our very own beloved? The elevating feeling that something that adds beauty to this world is with someone even more precious to us adds joy incomparable to the very soul - and thats how i feel about u - When u came into my life - no actually - when you whispered into my life:-) U r my conscience keeper - when I do something - what I first think of is if Deepa were there, would she approve of this? How would she face this situation? - i dont always follow that - thats a different story:-) I must say that I nearly burst with pride when I saw that photograph in which you recieved the medal for coming university first - Hey - thanks for reminding me in your own quiet way that wherever I may go, innocence and purity is something that I should always value above everything else. And that the coolest way to live is by consciously enjoying every minute of it in the way we think is best - hats off to you. U STAND OUT!!!!

Kudos to us for having stuck together and in light of all the delightful years of companionship yet to come:-) Hip Hip Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

How it all began...
Far at the brink of vision,
orange and grey churn,
amidst the greatest of creation,
rose the illuminous one.

As one ponders
over the world as a maze,
he charms us wonder of wonders!
with a brilliant tinge of saffron haze!

Softly, sternly, he glides afar,
gently and firmly he defeats the night,
in the distance blinks the star,
should it stay? Or give up the fight??

He kisses the flowers, caresses the buds,
and smiles at the blessed ones,
'thou art his, his own, the Lord's,
who loves all and none he shuns'.

He smiles, laughs, sighs and fades
he blushes as the earth glances
He muses as he genly fades,
'How the ocean's love for its droplets enhances...'

'How its love formed a ripple,
in the fathomless terrain,
and the fallen droplets - how fickle,
the meanders have a lot to learn...'