Iam a princess and Iam floating on a magic carpet to receive my Nobel prize for peace…No No No… you are mistaken…. Iam not Princess Diana, or Mother Teresa for that matter - this scene is just an out of the world dream in the wee morning hours of Monday, as the human body labors under the misconception that the weekend lethargy and laziness can seep stealthily onto Monday as well.
| Aaaaaaaaaah!! Wish dreams came true!!!! |
And then piercing the silence comes a well loved desi tone – My name is Sheila, Sheila Ki Jawani….
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| They never are effective my dear!! |
Anyways, I finally pinched and poked myself awake and rushed to get ready because, in China, - work starts - at 9:00am. And when you read the previous sentence, I want you to imagine something unchangeable like destiny, or the earth revolving , or the fact that my neighbour’s son can NEVER pass his medical exam (Trust me, rumor has it that it’s his 6th attempt)…because when they say its 9:00am - 9:00am it is! If you have the balls guts, try entering at 9:01 am and brave the “How lazy are YOU?” stares that your disdainful colleagues will inevitably give you! Well, some days, I really don’t care – and I stare back at them with my “Ha! Iam lazy and proud of it!” look, but then mostly, I cower under their glare and run to the sanctuary of my seat, where I immediately open my laptop and start tapping away at my keyboard furiously to deflect attention from my BEETRED face! I seriously should think of taking a video of their stares and adding that to my alarm settings…maybe that would jerk me awake!
| Oh yeah- Something like this but REDDERRRR! |
And it’s not just the entry time, it applies for everything. I am a part of the lunch gang and we go out every day at 12:00noon for lunch, irrespective of whether the laptop’s on fire, or whether a member of our gang is delivering a baby (and that actually happened! – we went to visit the mom but wouldn’t stay beyond 11:45 am!!!). I think, if you look at the larger picture, it kinda makes scientific sense - it permeates one’s cerebral tissues and leads to a comfortable consciousness that one’s life is a continuum where the clock ticks away uniformly through eventual decline and decay, so the intelligent Chinese made an ally of time instead of taking it for granted and I don’t grudge them this achievement!
The only disadvantage that I see in this whole scheme of things is that on weekends, Iam rather bewildered because my body clock (to which I have been listening to sincerely through the week) goes CRAZY! When I jerk myself awake at around 12:00 noon on Saturday, it’s not because of the alarm but because of the volcano erupting within my stomach – trust me , it growls so! I then quickly think of a place to eat and rush out of my apartment, desperate to be within view of some edible food (which explains why I cant cook because then it wouldnt be edible), and hail a taxi! And HERE comes the REAL test of patience….to tell the guy where you wanna go! Below is a faithfull narrative of what happened on one of my “Lunch escapades”
Taxi Driver (Bewildered) : “Chou shang chin mou than ching choo!!!”
Me - (Equally bewildered) “Chinese Puhwai ( I don’t know Chinese) . I have to go to ‘Daning street’ ” (Said in Clear and crisp tones)
Taxi Driver - (Completely befuddled)“ Daning? Shama – daning chiga moui chou shang shun ma thee oolu:” (Indicating he dosent have a clue what Iam saying)
Me – (accompanied with the background music of my grumbling stomach) “ D A N I N G, D-A-N-I-N-G, DANING street” (said 1st- clearly and slowly, 2nd -clearly and fast, and 3rd - clearly in medium speed with nasal effect respectively)
Taxi Driver - (Looking warily towards the direction of my stomach from where all the growling is originating from) “ DANING? Shama? " (starts shaking his head indicating he dosent know what Iam talking about)
Me - (in total desperation as my stomach threatens to erupt with all the pent up fury) " DANING DANING DANING street ma - !!!! Don’t you Understand??"
Taxi Driver - (face sparkles like he has discovered the 119th element ) “Oooooooooh DANING ma? Ok Ok” (indicates that I could board the taxi)
Me - (with a murderous look..Aaaaaah - if only looks could kill!) “ Yeah! And what the %^& did you think I was trying to tell you all this time? “
Taxi Driver : (Jovially slapping his hands and laughing, like at some rib tickler) “ DANING ma – chiga chous mang sthing so luu” !!!!!!! (and shakes my hands)!!!!
Well… what can I say – except that they do NOT accept a word into their comprehension unless they have the satisfaction of decoding it from whatever latin/greek they think you are speaking! And Trust me - what I said was in NO WAY different to what he said! Not in accent, not in nasal effects and not in rate of speech!!! You can imagine the fervor and speed with which I inhaled the food (Spicy noodles with stewed vegetables Thai style) when I eventually reached the hotel after this adventure!
Stay Tuned - More adventures coming right up:-)...
