The Queen of hearts

You have me clutching at straws,
blinded by confusion, totally at a loss,
In frustration and anger, I hold you responsible
for all the things that could have been,
that I could have had.

You have me lusting at meagerly portions,
of even little somethings  that is peanuts to others.
Holding that righteous envy as my sole purpose,
I allege it to be from your misplaced judgement,
Of what I could and could not have.









You have me plundering my own soul,
from self pity and loss of esteem, I grovel
at empty nothings, plummeting into darkness,
I question you to make sense of it all,
of why I couldn't have, that which I could have had.





In wrath,  distress and oblivion, I'm dazed,
by your power over me, your hold over my soul.
What is this power you hold, why does the grip never loosen?
With effort I relinquish control of my heart,
and it runs back to you for solace, your hand for comfort!

What if not perverse and  twisted is this code,
that you ask me for my trust, and then you crush my heart.
What if not warped and wanton is my heart's response,
As it rushes to submit, as if to say,
"This is gut wrenching, but bliss full.  In limbo...but at home !"

The silhouette of love

Your love is like a silhouette, Oh! Blossom.
I felt like I had a hang of things,
but when you smiled and waved, my heart concaved,
and I knew it was the best of beginnings!

Those days were like the warm hue of sunrise.
I felt your caresses like a pillow of feathers,
So much carefree solace in your loving embrace,
and your streaks of love, my most precious treasures.

But, now its like the dusky fog of a winter sunset.
your smiles and words have become lesser each day
I cannot feel you close, but then again I suppose,
Its not the blossom's fault that the dew drop fades away...

Now, its like the last rays of darkness holding on into Sunrise.
I want to see the light, feel your benign kiss on my forehead,
A dew drop can complain, its attempts to hold on but in vain,
Will the dawn not make a way for it to fall on the blossom again?

For she knows not, another love so true!

Eyes sparkling with hope,
the feel of a new grasp in her hands,
Shy and coy, with dreams around the globe...
she feels her finger in a wedding band!
Oh joy! She closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

With tears of pride,
hands shivering with delight,
she tried to lift him... well atleast she tried,
it is a blissful sight - a mother and her life's light!
In glee! She closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

She gently looks at the new bride,
waves of memories...she chokes and chuckles,
her blood, her own, well, they say its time and tide,
from toddler to bride... its hard to hide her pride!
Moved, she closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

She's a vision said some, a beauty in ivory!
But now, as the sands of time flow down,
she looks in the mirror, an ancient reflection of her glory!
but enveloped by love, a Queen sans crown,
For the last time, she closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

My Fear...

It was different that time. He was teaching me to swim!
When my dad picked me by my neck,
and pushed me into the water.
I struggled for breath and ran to the deck,
forgetting I was his daughter.
I could feel it rise in my throat, but later it faded dim...

It was different that time. The first time I moved out of my house!
As I packed all my things,
and touched them one by one as my last.
Unaware of what tomorrow brings,
I closed a small window and called it my 'past'.
I could feel it wring inside my stomach, it sounded of all my promises and vows!

It was different that time. When my best friend got engaged!
As I smiled and danced with her,
laughed to merge my feelings into her joys.
while I asked providence to share
if my tomorrows strung harmony or just some noise...
I could feel it clutch at my heart, and I struggled to keep my facade!

It is very different now....When I tear after my dreams!
Some say I'am brave, but they're really saying I'am stupid,
and it gets scary when some part of me believes.
I push myself to be intrepid,
Until some true friend balms the wound and relieves.
I can feel it in all my being, while the horizon looks up and beams!