"What the *&^&^%!!! Why cant she say something back!!!" Used to be my reaction when I would watch those tension ridden scenes in Bollywood or Tamil movies where the Hero or the Mom In Law would say something super rude and the heroine would just stare back without a retort. And I would be seething inside! Totally relating myself to the crying Heroine, I would rant and storm about the villanous antagonists who were setting themselves against the leading lady. But I NEVER did understand why the leading lady wouldn't retort with something clever and equally evil! I would be creating my own scripts for the lady (of the hour), and imagining her seeking her verbal revenge on her torturers!
What mystified me even more was why many leading ladies wouldnt speak out even when they had something to say in their defense....something which would prove their innocence in a situation where they were being victimized for something that was not their fault at all. Being a pretty vocal person myself, I could never understand the reason for taking blame, criticization, etc when I didnt have to or when it didnt apply to me.
But off late, I have been seeing a slight change in my own attitudes and behavior. Surprisingly, I found myself in 2 to 3 situations where I was in a position where I had to be silent even when I knew that I could extract myself out of a situation with a few well placed words.I couldnt even express my own deeply felt emotions and feelings and was stuck with them in my throat and staring at my "antagonist" of the hour!!! Noooooooooooo!!! I do NOT want to be THAT lady. I mean, come on! I have spent hours creating clever responses to difficult situations and when the situation presented itself in a silver platter, I was struck dumb!!
For the past 25 years, I have never had a problem expressing exactly what I felt in words. It's one of my gifts. It is one of the similarities I have with a long standing friend of mine. But off late, I found some instances when I couldn't even tell HER some things that were foremost in my mind!!! Wow!! Times do change and so do people!! I never thought I would see the light of the day when I couldn't spout out my mind and share my thoughts exactly as I thought them. Is this part of growing up? is this some emotional growth or (on second thoughts) emotional stunted growth that happens eventually to all people? I don't know. But you know what - it actually feels good to not lay all your peanuts on the plate!! Like your own little personal pearl of thought that you don't have to share, for it may not be perceived the same way and in being perceived differently, may lose some of its eloquence that was present in the thought originally....or just because you don't want to share it....because you don't know how! Iam unable to put my finger on it.....on the feeling that drives this behavior....do you know something about?
What mystified me even more was why many leading ladies wouldnt speak out even when they had something to say in their defense....something which would prove their innocence in a situation where they were being victimized for something that was not their fault at all. Being a pretty vocal person myself, I could never understand the reason for taking blame, criticization, etc when I didnt have to or when it didnt apply to me.
But off late, I have been seeing a slight change in my own attitudes and behavior. Surprisingly, I found myself in 2 to 3 situations where I was in a position where I had to be silent even when I knew that I could extract myself out of a situation with a few well placed words.I couldnt even express my own deeply felt emotions and feelings and was stuck with them in my throat and staring at my "antagonist" of the hour!!! Noooooooooooo!!! I do NOT want to be THAT lady. I mean, come on! I have spent hours creating clever responses to difficult situations and when the situation presented itself in a silver platter, I was struck dumb!!
For the past 25 years, I have never had a problem expressing exactly what I felt in words. It's one of my gifts. It is one of the similarities I have with a long standing friend of mine. But off late, I found some instances when I couldn't even tell HER some things that were foremost in my mind!!! Wow!! Times do change and so do people!! I never thought I would see the light of the day when I couldn't spout out my mind and share my thoughts exactly as I thought them. Is this part of growing up? is this some emotional growth or (on second thoughts) emotional stunted growth that happens eventually to all people? I don't know. But you know what - it actually feels good to not lay all your peanuts on the plate!! Like your own little personal pearl of thought that you don't have to share, for it may not be perceived the same way and in being perceived differently, may lose some of its eloquence that was present in the thought originally....or just because you don't want to share it....because you don't know how! Iam unable to put my finger on it.....on the feeling that drives this behavior....do you know something about?
I think its neither about emotional growth nor the stunting part of it. I think its because of the antagonist. I think we all come to the assumption that we are close to a lot of people, but when shit happens, we mistake our assumption of closeness as real closeness, and we talk honestly. The fact remains not everyone can take it. Even if do say something by mistake, like the big philosopher said you either have a really great company, if not a lesson.
ReplyDeleteLike they say - minnuvadhellam ponnala.
You are probably right.....but the thing is - the antagonists have not changed....they have been the same people......but my reactions and responses have totally changed!! THATS what surprised me!!
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