Khashaf......a recent inspiration!

I don't really remember how I chanced upon "Zindagi Gulzar Hai", a Pakistani drama that has completely stolen my heart and captured my imagination, of all that's inspiring and admirable.
When I grazed through the first few episodes to get the feel of the series, what I surely was not expecting, was to be hit with a character that would steal my awe and run away with it!

Khashaf is a character that is every girl's dream destination. Confident. Unapologetic. Inexpressive. Intelligent. Unintentionally funny. Rebellious. Giving. Affectionate. And very very real.

She is certainly not the person to go to if you need false indulgence. But if you want an honest opinion about something and are brave enough to take the truth, she would happily indulge you. She will put you in your place with a smile that basically shows her intelligent insight into what she knows you will feel when she hits you with it. She has no facade. She understands the world and its twirks and is in no humor to humor anyone for it. For someone who lives life in her own terms, she surprises when it comes to her patience in her commitments, and she is ready to compromise to keep up her end of the bargain. She has self pity, embarrassment, tears, anger, jealousy and all other negative emotions as well, but in moderation. She is human, but believably so. Not dramatic, but mysterious. And most importantly, she is never apologetic about who she is. She is more of a challenge to men who think they can handle feminism. For her feminism is not even an issue. Life is. and as she tries to make her mark in life, her individuality and her intelligence win her the trophy for feminism before she even begins to fight that battle.

More than half of the series moves with the male lead constantly trying to figure her out but failing abysmally. Which leads one to understand that the part of her that she shares with the world is not even a fourth of all that she  is. This ironically, leads people to believe her to be  much more than she could ever be. In a different way, she gains respect without ever asking for it, as she keeps people in awe of her seen and unseen self.

While she faces various troubles, she puts forth one face constantly - that of dignity, with a touch of elegance.  She is like that rare flower in a deserted garden. You never expect to find it, and once you do, its hard to get over it!

Leaving to the next chapter...

Anne of Green gables called those big changes in life as the "Bend in the road"...the ones that you couldn't quite see but will be quite upon you when you make the turn! Well, I'am at one such bend right now....I have not yet come upon the bend so I don't know what bend has in store for me. Its a waiting game and I am rapidly losing patience! Oh would you come already!

There's a song that goes,

Don't wanna be here,
somewhere I'd rather be.
But when I get there,
I might find its not for me!

I'am SURE the writer has gone through the agony and anxiety of waiting for the bend in the road! There is no way he could have just captured the feeling in my thoughts and put it in verse like that without having felt something similar!

The viscious circle of wanting to DO something, but backing out, because we're not sure if its the right thing to do, and then wistfully staring at the bend in the road, is an innovative form of torture that nature has designed in its sinister moments!

For she knows not, another love so true!

Eyes sparkling with hope,
the feel of a new grasp in her hands,
Shy and coy, with dreams around the globe...
she feels her finger in a wedding band!
Oh joy! She closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

With tears of pride,
hands shivering with delight,
she tried to lift him... well atleast she tried,
it is a blissful sight - a mother and her life's light!
In glee! She closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

She gently looks at the new bride,
waves of memories...she chokes and chuckles,
her blood, her own, well, they say its time and tide,
from toddler to bride... its hard to hide her pride!
Moved, she closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

She's a vision said some, a beauty in ivory!
But now, as the sands of time flow down,
she looks in the mirror, an ancient reflection of her glory!
but enveloped by love, a Queen sans crown,
For the last time, she closes her eyes and thinks of You,
For she knows not, another love so true!

My Fear...

It was different that time. He was teaching me to swim!
When my dad picked me by my neck,
and pushed me into the water.
I struggled for breath and ran to the deck,
forgetting I was his daughter.
I could feel it rise in my throat, but later it faded dim...

It was different that time. The first time I moved out of my house!
As I packed all my things,
and touched them one by one as my last.
Unaware of what tomorrow brings,
I closed a small window and called it my 'past'.
I could feel it wring inside my stomach, it sounded of all my promises and vows!

It was different that time. When my best friend got engaged!
As I smiled and danced with her,
laughed to merge my feelings into her joys.
while I asked providence to share
if my tomorrows strung harmony or just some noise...
I could feel it clutch at my heart, and I struggled to keep my facade!

It is very different now....When I tear after my dreams!
Some say I'am brave, but they're really saying I'am stupid,
and it gets scary when some part of me believes.
I push myself to be intrepid,
Until some true friend balms the wound and relieves.
I can feel it in all my being, while the horizon looks up and beams!

The comic relief in my "Groom Search" adventures! - Part I

"A single woman in possession of a sane mind, MUST be in want of a husband....and that too immediately!
Age, sanity, outlook on life and food - Be Damned No bar!"
 ....Jane Austen may turn over in her grave if she comes upon this molestation of her opening satire but (Sorry Ms Austen, I do love you), but I think this is the doctrine based on which the Indian Arranged Marriage market operates.

Hey, I'am not complaining. While some find the entire nerve cracking exercise of groom hunting in an arranged marriage hoopla extremely frustrating and tiresome, especially if it lasts for 6 years and running as in my case, I think the process has its perks. And the perks are only to those who dare to enjoy it! Let me tell you why...
First, here's the overall process of groom hunting in an arranged marriage for those who are not introduced to the concept.
- Girl at home reaches 21 years of age OR Girl at home develops b&&bs - whichever is earlier.
- Ask around friends and family for eligible groom suggestions...
- A decent profile pic of the girl to upload on one of the many matrimonial sites that do booming business in India .( Honestly, I'am considering joining one of them as an employee, they must make a S%^t load of money because - Forget the British empire - Its on the Indian Marriage Market that the Sun NEVER sets, ! And India goes one above -  It is probably the only country in the world which sells Matrimony as a "service". I mean, I knew we were a Services oriented economy, but THIS really is the icing on the cake! Now, does that take romance to an all time high, or what!)

- Next Step - Input groom Hunt co-ordinates in the matrimonial website....and......ENGAGE! (That's for those who have seen Star trek, if you haven't,  read 'ENGAGE' as the 'GO' in "Ready, Set and GO".

Now here's where the fun starts! The online profiles of the guys are like a conservative, Non PG-13 version of the profiles you will find in any online dating websites. There are all kinds of profiles ranging from wierd, to essay type, to "ehhh what!!?" kinds.   Here are some examples -

I am god fearing, interested in movies and hail from an upper middle class family

Well, God fearing and movies totally go together!! And then he says he has money for god and movies, which must seal the deal!!

HI I AM DOING BUSINESS LOGO DESIGNER 
I AM LOOKING GOOD AND TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY 
I LIKE TO LISTEN MUSICS AND LIKE TO PHOTO SHOOT

Looking good indeed!!!I really have no comments on this one!!!!

Looking for a life partner to spend rest of our lives together

Well, thanks for explaining what "life Partner" really means! The heading says "Personal Profile" Dude!!! Not "Dictionary for the Retarded"! Phew!

Well there are hundreds like these, and I have rolled with laughter at some of them. Some of them have made me wanna punch the guy and some made me wanna throw up! But all of them are guaranteed to entertain!

Anyway, the next step is for the guy's family to send their "Interest" to your profile. if the girl's family also returns the "Interest", horoscopes are exchanged! The all pervading Indian Horoscope Gurus make truckloads of money by pronouncing at their whim whether the boy and girl will make a good match or not! And my family's astrologer is on a crusade to make my groom hunt an impossibility. He promptly rejects 99 out of 100 horoscopes that we send him. And he has a mean streak about him too - any good looking guy he will be SURE to reject!!! And the one guy he will select will either be insane, or a weirdo!! 

One of the guys whose horoscope miraculously matched with mine (Hmm, I should have known something was wrong right then!) sent me a message that we could have a chance to know each other in a Skype call the next day as we were both in different countries!  When I logged in the next day, the screen opened to reveal him, sitting with his mom and dad in what looked like his living room! As if that were not enough, his mother immediately began drilling me with questions about my  goals in life (If I had figured that out, why would I be talking to her???) !!  When the guy tried to bravely put forth a point, his mother looked on with immense pride at her son's ability to get real words out of his mouth!! I had a flash of our own beloved Sonia and Rahul  - the resemblance was striking!! and at that  moment, I knew I wanted no part in this family!!

TO BE CONTINUED....

The mystery of the silence

"What the *&^&^%!!! Why cant she say something back!!!" Used to be my reaction when I would watch those tension ridden scenes in Bollywood or Tamil movies where the Hero or the Mom In Law would say something super rude and the heroine would just stare back without a retort. And I would be seething inside! Totally relating myself to the crying Heroine, I would rant and storm about the villanous antagonists who were setting themselves against the leading lady. But I NEVER did understand why the leading lady wouldn't retort with something clever and equally evil! I would be creating my own scripts for the lady (of the hour), and imagining her seeking her verbal revenge on her torturers!
What mystified me even more was why many leading ladies wouldnt speak out even when they had something to say in their defense....something which would prove their innocence in a situation where they were being victimized for something that was not their fault at all. Being a pretty vocal person myself, I could never understand the reason for taking blame, criticization, etc when I didnt have to or when it didnt apply to me.

But off late, I have been seeing a slight change in my own attitudes and behavior. Surprisingly, I found myself in 2 to 3 situations where I was in a position where I had to be silent even when I knew that I could extract myself out of a situation with a few well placed words.I couldnt even express my own deeply felt emotions and feelings and was stuck with them in my throat and staring at my "antagonist" of the hour!!! Noooooooooooo!!! I do NOT want to be THAT lady. I mean, come on! I have spent hours creating clever responses to difficult situations and when the situation presented itself in a silver platter, I was struck dumb!!
For the past 25 years, I have never had a problem expressing exactly what I felt in words. It's one of my gifts. It is one of the similarities I have with a long standing friend of mine. But off late, I found some instances when I couldn't even tell HER some things that were foremost in my mind!!! Wow!! Times do change and so do people!! I never thought I would see the light of the day when I couldn't spout out my mind and share my thoughts exactly as I thought them. Is this part of growing up? is this some emotional growth or (on second thoughts) emotional stunted growth that happens eventually to all people? I don't know. But you know what - it actually feels good to not lay all your peanuts on the plate!! Like your own little personal pearl of thought that you don't have to share, for it may not be perceived the same way and in being perceived differently, may lose some of its eloquence that was present in the thought originally....or just because you don't want to share it....because you don't know how! Iam unable to put my finger on it.....on the feeling that drives this behavior....do you know something about?

Isnt Money a beautiful thing??!!

I know the title sounds like an exclamation of Joy from a materialist...But this was the thought that I had when I saw the below picture on the walls of a War Memorial built into a historic Prison site in Seoul, South Korea.

In the War memorial, I got to see various kinds of torture chambers that the Japanese had used on the Koreans, during their invasion of Korea and the Korean fight back for freedom, from 1910 to 1945. I even got to see a moving testimony from some of the men and women who had survived the war and lived to tell the tale, of how heartless the imperialists were. Some of them in the video had no hands, no legs or no nails, as they were cut off by the Japanese torturers, but they somehow had a heart strong enough to fight through all the hurdles and bring freedom to their country!

Intrigued, I started a conversation with the War memorial-museum Manager who was a seeming lady of around 40, and she said with barely suppressed emotion, that "All we are expecting, is a 'Sorry' and an acceptance of the troubles and tortures that the Koreans have faced by the Japanese.If not for the innovatively designed torture chambers reserved for the Korean freedom fighters, we deserve an an apology at least to the 'Comfort women' who were exploited in ways unimaginable by the Japanese military...But even a simple apology is not something that the Japanese are ready to give."

I came back home to Shanghai and narrated this incident to some of my friends, and their response was an angry eruption, but a totally expected one. "They will never say Sorry. Why should they? Unless they are pushed into a corner, they will not. Its all about the power game and about who plays their pawns at the right time to get the right result! Right now, Japan is in a position of power and will not bow down, but maybe sometime in the future...." and they wistfully looked with glazed eyes, into a future, where I imagine a Japanese official is on his knees offering them a lengthy apology!

One of the more pragmatic ones however said, " But today, we need them. Our country is not yet so self sufficient, that we can afford to spoil our relations with Japan." How true!  From electronics, to heavy machinery, when it comes to quality products, the Chinese localites prefer Japanese products and so do the Koreans. When we look at the trade charts of China and Korea, Japan is high up on the %age of trade that the countries carry on with each other.

On one hand. we have the foreign ministries of Korea, China and Japan trying to solve various bloody land disputes even today,which positively laughs at the idea of the countries having any other meaningful relationship, and yet, incredibly, on the other hand, we have the economic ministers drafting new and improved trade policies to enhance trade between the countries. Well yes, the countries are still struggling hard to find their peace with the bloody past that they share. But the beautiful master plan of providence has balanced the resources of the countries in such a way that, both China and Korea, because of necessity, require to maintain an intensive trade relationship with Japan and vice versa. Maybe this is Nature's way of forcing them to make peace with the past, by making them deal with each other through an unemotional monetary relationship that contributes to their countries' growth and their people's happiness, and thus could be an indirect balm on the wounds of past! If Money can actually bring countries together, can make them forget a horrific and bloody past and shake hands in the hope of a better tomorrow, isn't it a beautiful thing?